New beginnings...

This has been sitting in my e-mail forever and I never got around to finishing it but I'm going to put it up on DW ANYWAY so I can actually clear my inbox. SO THERE.



I was on plurk talking about original stories and my failings and decided to use my LJ for it instead. It's long-winded and I've said the same thing multiple times, but writing it out in long format might help me work things out instead of complaining about the same things over and over and never coming up with a solution.

The problem I have is that I'm decent at creating complete character relationships and interworking all the characters together so that one fallen domino of EMOTION causes the whole thing to explode. It's been a bit difficult to decide how a large group of friends from college interact with one another. Not everyone is as closely tied to all the people in the group, especially when it's large and not all personalities mesh well, but they form a group of people that get along relatively well. The group breaks up into smaller groups at will of people who get along the best and there's mingling between the smaller groups but not everyone does well without a person in the middle to drawl them together. I actually need to create a large chart of all the main characters and how they interact with one another and form cliques out of them. BUT ANYWAY.

The problem I have is that this is a story that is starting in the middle. The characters have known one another for years, and I had started writing it when the characters were in college. They were 18-22 for the duration of that story that I never finished and now it's ten years later and you see where they've gone. It's not hard to add flashbacks to explain some things, and you can always insert how characters feel for one another by how they interact. The real issue is figuring out WHAT happened during those years and how it effected the characters and their relationships with one another. They've floated in and out of each others lives since graduation, which was 10 years ago from where I plan on starting the story, so why are they all suddenly together again? What brought them all together again? Some have stayed together for various reasons -specifically a job with SPAWA and Renee's request for them to stay- but the others came back into the picture why? And more importantly, why did all of these college friends stay together again? There has to be a major plot that keeps them together so they don't drift off again. They're successful enough that it isn't the money that's a major factor that keeps them there.

So my important questions are: What important events happened in the past that shaped them? What event keeps all the characters together?

Putting my thoughts into one long blurb that will make due for a timeline [Lots of names that will make no sense to anyone but me] : Renee runs SPAWA and was groomed for it, so she's always been in the city. Manda and Tracy are Renee's friends and work normal jobs, though they will give her information if it pops up. She uses them to wind down and remind herself she's still 'human'. David was a recruiter at Caster College before he started working for SPAWA full time, and he was recruited by Itsuki, who still works at Caster doing the same thing. All of Renee's classmates stuck around for a while to do random jobs with and for her, but most floated away for varying amounts of time. Blake and Blaine came back first. Blaine went off for a year or more of globe hopping with Russell for training and fun. Blake was setting down roots and eventually wants to start a family. He has previous gang ties that keep coming back to bite him, so he begrudgingly asks for protection for Natalie and officially joins SPAWA when he realizes he can't do it on his own. Itsuki is Blaine's uncle and information broker to Russell, who met Blaine when he was younger. Blaine comes into the fold because it's kind of like the family business. David eventually abandons teaching at the school and acts kind of like a moral compass [hash that out later] and tactician with Blaine. He teaches recruits of SPAWA who weren't directly plucked from one of the neighboring colleges.

Kris and Schwanz both floated around doing odd jobs. Sometimes as a unit and other times solo. Neither are strictly in the employ of SPAWA, but a majority of Kris's tasks are for SPAWA. Kris is loyal to David and therefor SPAWA, but he does contract jobs on the side. Schwanz is strictly an enforcer and a wild card. He appears when he's needed and his loyalty is questionable. He stays on because he does things other people won't and hasn't betrayed any SPAWA secrets -that any of the others know of. Schwanz will defer to David or Renee if it pleases him, but the price has to be right and the job interesting. If he ever betrays them or gets too dangerous, Renee will try to have him killed before he kills her. Traine stayed the longest after everyone left, since he and Renee were kind of in a relationship. Once it 'ended' [they both ran out of time to pretend they were in one] he drifted off to other jobs. He came back periodically to return home and see family then dropped in on SPAWA to catch up with friends. Near the middle of the first plot [whatever that ends up being] he comes back in town for a visit or a job [not sure which] and eventually just ends up staying. He doesn't end up joining SPAWA right away [maybe not ever to avoid conflict of interesting? >_>] and he and Renee end up in a relationship again, but more relaxed and mature and it works for both of them. A kind of open relationship.

I've got characters I've made that I'm not sure what to do with, Craig and Thomas from school, and Marco who is another Org leader who I wanted to be a romantic interest for Renee [a failed one, as he has a motive and Renee won't let herself be used] and other characters like Drei and Rosetti who I haven't fleshed out properly because I have so many characters already and I don't know how big a part they would all play. I don't want to mire everything down in names that people will forget the significance of. Since I have characters now that are going to float in and out of the story who I had originally had there all the time, it might be easier to have more permanent characters.

Renee lay on the couch, half asleep. She had only intended it to be for thirty minutes or so, but as the time wore on she had a hard time convincing herself it was worth it to get up. She had a meeting in an hour, and it wasn't like she hadn't prepared for it. Even if she hadn't, there was the small part of her that said 'It's just Traine' and waved off the need for strict formality. There was a blurry line there already, and she felt like she needed to turn the lens and sharpen it, but not right now.

Eventually, she dropped off to sleep.

With a jerk, she half sat up as she felt her feet being moved. Blinking the sleep out of her eyes she looked around, dazed and as on guard as she could be considering she had fallen into a harder sleep than she meant to. Her legs were now resting on someone's lap and the too-bright red stuck out. Traine had made himself comfortable and rested his forearms on her shins. He had the papers she had laid out on the table in his hand. It hadn't been flipped through, but he was preparing to do so.

The moment she tried to pull her legs away so she could sit up, his arms pressed down, making it harder to move. He was looking at her, face calm. "Get some rest."

She paused. It was tempting, but it wasn't even a second before she was starting to move again. This time his unoccupied hand wrapped almost all the way around her calf, staying her. His eyes lost a bit of their warmth and his voice grew more firm. "Go back to sleep."

She took in a breath as a frown settled on her face. Then he smacked her on the top of her head with the papers in his hand. Startled, she stared at him. "I can read them just fine. If I have any questions, I'll ask you before I leave." Traine hadn't said it as matter-of-factly as he could have. There was still a hint of an appeal to his voice. He couldn't force her to do what she didn't want to do. They both knew that. It was another few seconds before she let herself slip back down to the couch. She looked at him for a little while, before closing her eyes and drifting off again.



When she woke again, it was because something was messing with one of her feet. She pulled it away from the sensation and kicked. There was an 'umf' and she creaked her eyes open, mildly confused by it all after her nap. Her foot was solidly jammed against Traine's bicep, the only thing that stopped her from getting him right in the ribs. He had a mild smile on his face, but most of it was in the eyes, a mischievous twinkle.

"Meeting ajourned," he announced, though his voice was soft compared to normal, to match with her still hazy expression. He slid out from under her legs and brushed his pants off, the papers already placed in neat stacks on the table. "I'll give Drei what he needs to sign when he comes back in town." He leaned over and placed a kiss on her forehead.

"Your next meeting is in ten." He leaned back and there was a bit of his usual cockiness in his smile now, but it wasn't full of teeth. "So fix your bed head." Renee couldn't remember the last time he had given her that entirely over-confident smile she had grown used to so long ago. He lifted his chin as a replacement for a wave, hands full of folders and papers. She blinked slowly and lifted her own hand tiredly in goodbye. She wondered if it was the job or if it was age or hell, maybe it was her, that had injected a bit of maturity into him. Looking at his back as he walked out of the room, she knew at least one thing for sure: she liked what she saw.

Pandemic II. <--- Manda. This is your fault.

. , - ' * ○ ♠ ○ * ' - , .

I want to rewatch Mai-Hime. It's OnDemand but the dub makes me cringe. What I need are the screencaps to the Hime Extra at the end of Episode 21, when Reito awakens as the Obsidian Price. There are some sexy pictures of him in there and I want to make graphicky things out of them... because Reito is hot. 8| Shush.

. , - ' * ○ ♠ ○ * ' - , .
( Blah Blah Blah; I'll spare your f-lists this time 8| )

He wanted to win. He desperately wanted to win against him, and yet no matter how much that desperation moved him to greater heights, the blonde was always one step ahead of him.

They were matching forces in almost every way. He acted the part of the darkness. The other was the light. From clothing to hair to personalities, they were opposites in the ways that mattered and perfectly mixed in the ways that would have caused them to move apart.

Blake wasn't sure when their colors started to mix or when things all began to change. When the aura around his other half started to dim and grow dark, he noticed it. He noticed everything about the other man but nothing in himself. Had he drawn Blaine down with him? Was the person who kept him so alive weighted down to the depths with him? When had he stopped looking up and started looking down at the man who was sinking below the dark waves? As the other faded, he grew brighter, and it was laughable that he didn't see it.

They still looked the same aside from a few years of maturity, but it became obvious to anyone who looked that the colors had inverted. The white had become the black, and the darkness had become the light.

It seemed like it had happened so quickly. Blake knew that wasn't the case. He knew that the bastard of an Uncle had something to do with it. The months they had spent apart had created the wide gap he had slowly managed to fill what seemed so long ago. He felt the desperation coming back. The need to push forward, refusing to go back to how it had been, but his own desires were nothing compared to his other half's, and it sought to consume him in its need.

It felt right when they had joined. So right. Nothing could ever be wrong about the way it felt when they finally crashed together, as if it should have always been that way. He felt the joy and it overrode the unease of seeing the uninhibited side. The light that seem to be sucking the life out of him.

It didn't take him long to realize that they were two shells and their cores had been switched. Blaine struggled to regain the light he had had; the light that had been taken from him. Blake would have given it, wanted to, but it could never be. The pleasure turned to pain as their joining became more like a violation and he cried out. The hands that had been so full of life now seem to burn him and the mouth that had been so sweet to him turned bitter.

It was an eternity. An eternity in a hell that felt so twisted yet still make his body convulse with the pleasure of being complete. It was wrong, but it was too late, and the damage done could only be healed with time. Looking at the man that had once been his sun, he felt it returning. The need to run after him, even if he had to go back to do it...

Traine hadn’t cornered her, really. They had come out of one of the many meetings scheduled for the week. It had been just the two of them, and while that wasn’t unusual, the tenseness during their talks wasn’t something she had experienced in a long time. It concerned her, but before she could ask, he turned to face her. There were so many things that Renee could read in his face and it confused her. She hadn’t even opened her mouth when he leaned down and took her hands, thumbs running over her palms as he looked at them. When hazel eyes met brown, her mouth started to go dry.

“I’ve always thought,” he started, and his voice was soft so it was truly just between them even though no one else was in the room, “that what I felt was mutual. I’ve tried and I’ve waited. I thought that it would take time. I knew it would take time, but I was alright with that.”

He laced his right hand with her left and his fingers played with the ring he had given her what seemed like ages ago. It was a constant presence on her middle finger, so close and yet so far from his goals. He looked at it for a second before his attention went back to her face. “I never demanded an answer, but I always wanted to know.”

She could feel her breath catching as she stared. She felt horrified. Frightened. Sad. Reluctant. He must not have seen it, because he definitely would have reacted. He wouldn’t have kept plowing on if he had known, right? Or maybe this was his final purge…

“I want to know, Renee.” His grip on her tightened a little. “Are you going to force me to watch as Ballantyne steals you away?”

Her eyes got a little wider and her mouth opened, but nothing came out. Traine’s eyes closed and he took in a deep breath. He gave out a half laugh. “You can’t even answer me.”

The red-head lowered their hands between them and gave a pained quirk of his lips that might have been a reassuring smile in another life. She winced as he squeezed down on her fingers that much harder before going slack and letting their fingers slide apart. His eyes diverted and he turned, going to the door with no further comment. He pushed the button and squeezed himself through before the door had a chance to slide open fully and was gone down the hall.

He made it halfway to the reception area before his fist slammed into the wall with an echoing crack. Leaning next to the hole in the wall, he tightened his fist at his side, the pain pulsing up his arm. Ignoring it, Traine pushed from the wall and continued on, reverting to the blank face that they had all learned. Even if she hadn’t meant it, he had gotten his answer.

Renee stared after him as he fled, the door wide open and the last expression on his face burned in her vision. She jumped as she heard the bang and immediately knew what he’d done. She slowly stepped back until she could sink to the edge of her desk. Her hands clasped in front of her, the ring digging into her finger. Her eyes attached to it until she folded forward, eyes squeezed shut as she heard the door close. Forehead on her hands, she wished she could cry.

He had come back a changed man. Almost like a completely new person. The face was the same. Even the way he moved and talked, but the eyes were hollows and the mouth was grim. Blake welcomed his Lieutenant back with -figuratively- open arms, but it didn't seem like the feeling was mutual.

The blonde was polite, of course. Polite to a fault. The kind of politeness you give to someone you despised and just wanted to be rid of as soon as possible. Despite this, everything seemed to go back to normal the next day. The men [and women] were happy to see him and the cold facade seemed to melt. Old faces were keen to catch him up on all the happenings and the new were interested in figuring out the appeal of a man they had never seen but heard plenty about.

Blake simply stepped back. This first day was important. Business as usual would be for tomorrow. His replacement lieutenant was not too far away, and there was a certain amount of bitterness to be had. It had been a year since Blaine had left, and he had come back into his place without so much as a hitch. He would have assured Laurent that things weren't really going to change, but the information was confidential. It would have been done long ago, the splitting of the Blacks into two different units, but Blaine had left, and they couldn't start a new colored squad without a captain.

The relaxed laugh of his former lieutenant echoed as he was regaled with stories. It felt nice to have everything back to normal. It was a brief second when their eyes met, and he was given the familiar smile before the contact was broken. His lip had twitched towards a smile when he heard movement beside him. He looked in time to see the back of Laurent's foot move out the door. He closed his eyes for a moment, debating, before pushing from the wall and moving to follow.

He missed the eyes that came up to smile at him. Missed how they turned a little cold. He never knew how much he would regret not staying by Blaine's side that one time...

There were a lot of ‘social events’ that CEOs, bosses, and community leaders seemed destined to attend, no matter how great the workload each individual had backlogged. Renee dragged herself to each of these meetings, noted who declined to come, all those who approached her because very few were honestly just being friendly, and who was talking to who.

One of the more interesting people that dined to talk to her was Marco Ballantyne. She had seen him around, smooth talking the women, easily conversing with the men, and being exceptionally courteous to the staff. The more she saw him, the more she tried to keep their contact to a minimum. He didn’t make her nervous or even give her any shady feelings. It just seemed impossible that such a nice guy lead the 5th most profitable organization in the country.

Marco’s reign began at the end of a bloody conflict that resulted in more than half of PS’s [Percorso di Salvezza ] directorial and supervisory board being slaughtered in their homes, in the streets, and even in highly publicized car explosions. All of his rivals were either missing or suddenly staunch supporters of his leadership with their families having been relocated close to the central building. His methods were utterly ruthless and methodical, but it was all hidden behind a salesman’s smile.

When he glided over to Renee –because he didn’t appear to walk like normal people, chocolate brown hair swept back and looking immaculate as always, she was instantly wary. He had on a slightly twisted smile that seemed at odds with how he ordinarily tried to portray himself. If he noticed this, he didn’t try to correct it. In fact, he didn’t say anything to her outside of the cordial ‘Hello, Ms. Sharps. How have you been?’ until after his second glass of wine.

It was then that the verbal dance began.