Drabble #20

[kageisuke]

Maybe it was because her mind had cracked a long time ago, and the portion containing her sanity and common sense was the part that fell away. Or maybe it was because any and all contact she’s had with the opposite sex in the past 4 years had been to fill her base desires –and rather inefficiently- or purely for business purposes. It was like she didn’t know what to do now that what she wanted had pretty much fallen into her lap.

She thinks that maybe it’s because the person she wanted hadn’t grown as much as she had hoped, or perhaps he had grown more than she ever thought he would… was more than she thought she could handle? That idea was ridiculous, truly. It was just as maddening that her eyes found him in a crowd and traced over his form as he moved, her mind remembering past experiences in a variety of places in various states of undress.

She wonders if it’s bad that he reminds her of liquid sex. She also wonders why the hell ‘liquid’ and ‘sex’ sound so good together when ‘fluid’ and ‘sex’ get along better, but she shakes her head because she’s really gone insane this time. When he gives her a tentative smile that means ‘I’d give you a real one if I thought you wouldn’t punch me in the face’, she smiles back and grips her files. If she smiles and keeps her hands busy, she won’t be able to back him into the cleaning closet a few feet down and alleviate the months of stress that threatens to give her a stroke.

As his smile changes to a warmer one that conveys more of their personal history than anyone else should know, she slips by him. She can hear his shoes turn on the floor. She gives him the briefest look over her shoulder -one he knew very well- as she pushes a button to open the closet door and steps inside. He isn’t far behind, and that affectionate smile isn’t quite gone as he presses the button to close and lock the door. Even as his hand comes to her face and he leans down, she mollifies her guilt with ‘At least I didn’t back him into the closet…’

Comments

[sannask.livejournal.com]

"when ‘fluid’ and ‘sex’ get along better"

aaaaaahahahhahahah i don't know why that's so funny but good lord i'm ded from teh funnay.


overall... it's pretty tight writing. i'm conflicted b/c, well, she's conflicted; you're presenting her state of mind not through description of who she is, but rather the tone of the passage as a whole. you've stated there is amicable history between the two of them, but also that it seems that her primary motivation for the intimacy is nothing more than base hunger. in the back her of mind, she, and by extension the reader, wants the connection to be emotional, but since on her end it's not yet....

i'm not saying this right. you've managed to show who she is by way of the writing of the actions. and i'm damn jealous of that fact. X D thumbs up.

[kageisuke.livejournal.com]

I don't want my writing to kill my readers. D8 ::revives you::

I enjoy torturing my characters.