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Drabble #26
He doesn't know what he's supposed to feel. His facade of indifference indicated he was incapable of feeling, but he did indeed feel. What he's "supposed to feel" wouldn't be correct anyway, because he doesn't need those trivial things anymore.
He had killed them. Years ago, in fact.
So he was nonplussed when they were inching up from depths unknown. The false -yet true- sentiments and affection resurfacing in an unsettling way for no other reason that to simply be there. A minor torment for a man who had kept his control. Was he purposefully letting it slip? Or was it being forcibly removed? Or was nothing changing and he was giving into the paranoia? Or was it a combination of all three? Or were there four? She was an unknown.
He didn't know. He didn't like not knowing.
But that was a lie, in a sense. Not knowing the full extent of his capabilities drove him. Not knowing the way his own mind was turning was holding him back. From what? Or was it who? He didn't like that idea either, and it wasn't often that he was troubled by thoughts of people. People were inconsequential. He did not need people. Only a person. Singular. But in this place, it seemed even that focus was shifting. What use did he have for that power? He may have craved it, but he was still practical. Or was he trying to deceive himself?
When had his thoughts started running in circles?
There was no one to blame but himself for that. Even if he could pinpoint the time when his mind started to betray him to when he got involved with her, he had made those decisions. Was still making them. Burying himself deeper. He could reject it, as he had on several occasions. Reject her, but the feeling of the last time was unique.
Feeling.
It annoyed him, that his control was waning. He was weakening. Could see it happening. Could stop it. Wasn't stopping it. It made no sense. And his mind had done another circuit.
The atmosphere.
His mind jumped topics. Avoidance? Maybe. Uncharacteristic of him? Definitely; but it was all connected. This place had done everything it could to throw off his balance. It had succeeded, somewhat. The lack of chakra was vexing. The fact his eyesight was perfect in comparison to previous years? The trade-off was...
He didn't like the decision being made for him.
Not that it mattered much whether he liked it or not. He simply dealt with what he was given, though the fact he had made no concrete decision on the important issue at hand was not lost on him. The feelings were not all that interfered. He didn't know what he wanted.
...and he hated that.
He had killed them. Years ago, in fact.
So he was nonplussed when they were inching up from depths unknown. The false -yet true- sentiments and affection resurfacing in an unsettling way for no other reason that to simply be there. A minor torment for a man who had kept his control. Was he purposefully letting it slip? Or was it being forcibly removed? Or was nothing changing and he was giving into the paranoia? Or was it a combination of all three? Or were there four? She was an unknown.
He didn't know. He didn't like not knowing.
But that was a lie, in a sense. Not knowing the full extent of his capabilities drove him. Not knowing the way his own mind was turning was holding him back. From what? Or was it who? He didn't like that idea either, and it wasn't often that he was troubled by thoughts of people. People were inconsequential. He did not need people. Only a person. Singular. But in this place, it seemed even that focus was shifting. What use did he have for that power? He may have craved it, but he was still practical. Or was he trying to deceive himself?
When had his thoughts started running in circles?
There was no one to blame but himself for that. Even if he could pinpoint the time when his mind started to betray him to when he got involved with her, he had made those decisions. Was still making them. Burying himself deeper. He could reject it, as he had on several occasions. Reject her, but the feeling of the last time was unique.
Feeling.
It annoyed him, that his control was waning. He was weakening. Could see it happening. Could stop it. Wasn't stopping it. It made no sense. And his mind had done another circuit.
The atmosphere.
His mind jumped topics. Avoidance? Maybe. Uncharacteristic of him? Definitely; but it was all connected. This place had done everything it could to throw off his balance. It had succeeded, somewhat. The lack of chakra was vexing. The fact his eyesight was perfect in comparison to previous years? The trade-off was...
He didn't like the decision being made for him.
Not that it mattered much whether he liked it or not. He simply dealt with what he was given, though the fact he had made no concrete decision on the important issue at hand was not lost on him. The feelings were not all that interfered. He didn't know what he wanted.
...and he hated that.
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>3
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He's really an old softie inside, isn't he?~
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